Thursday, 27 November 2014

My very unorganized life

I'm normally super-organized at work, or at least I used to be until two weeks ago, when I started my new job. Suddenly, everything I knew was gone and I was thrown in the unknown. I was the new person again, the learner, the trainee. I love being on top of things. I hate being all over the place and most importantly, I need to have a clear understanding of what I need to do. 

I wasn't expecting to know everything about my job within a couple of weeks, but I was hoping to have clear answers to my questions. Or at least work off clear procedures. None of that has really happened and I'm starting to wonder if this is an Irish thing. There's no certainty, everything is approximate and well, of course I end up making mistakes (which I absolutely hate). This is as much as I will tell you about my job, because I don't think this is the place to do so, but today, I'm feeling really down about the whole thing and I just need to vent.

The thing is, this new job has taken up so much space in my mind, I can't think about anything else. My brain is constantly working, and for some reason, I find it impossible to switch off (see, I'm even writing a post about it!). 

Before, my super-organized working brain was enough to compensate for the mess that is my home life. It's hard to believe, but I'm really messy when it comes to my house, paperwork, kids stuff, and so on. For some extraordinary reason, we've never been late paying any bills or never missed any appointments. I always pay my childminder on time, remember my friend's kids birthday parties, and I rarely forget to buy milk or bread on my way home. My job and my personal life were always separated and as soon as I stepped in my car after work, I stopped thinking about it until the following day.

But for the past two weeks, switching off has just been impossible. I keep forgetting things and it's destabilizing. Every time there's a change in my routine, I freak out and can't seem to stay calm and rational. In short, my life is pure chaos. I even dream about my job so it's in my mind 24/7, and I'm tired.

I think I like what I do. It's very varied, interesting, but incredibly stressful. I thought I knew what stress was but I was clearly wrong. It was nothing compared to what I have to deal with now. I'm not dreading to go to work as such, but the amount of things I have to do and the fact that I haven't found a way to be efficient yet is scaring me.

I hope it will get better but for the moment, I'm lost and I hate that feeling.  

Any advice will be greatly appreciated :-)