Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Why are the French rude and judgemental?

Posted by Anne Canaveera on Tuesday, May 17, 2016 in cultural differences

At least the weather was nice... I can't say the same for some people we met...

Let's not make a sweeping statement here, not ALL French people are rude and arrogant, but interestingly, that's how we are perceived by a good majority of foreigners.

I'm just back from a week in South of France, where we stayed with a couple of Irish and American friends. I was looking forward to that trip so much, and in terms of weather, landscape, food and wine, it certainly didn't disappoint.

But when it came to interactions with other French people, I was a bit baffled. Maybe it's because I knew I wanted to write about the subject so I paid more attention to the bad stuff than the good. Or maybe there actually is more negativity in France and I noticed it because even though I am French, I was a tourist over there.

So let's see what happened, and you might understand what I'm trying to explain. On the second day, we took a trip up the mountains. As soon as we arrived I took the kids to the toilets, and of course the queue for the women's was big. There was no one in the men's. I queued for a little bit but then I saw a woman coming out of the men's bathroom with a boy, and I thought "Well, that's a good idea. I'll take my son there and my friend's daughter will stay in the queue for the ladies. We should be out at the same time." As soon as I made my way to the gents, the woman who just came out of there looked at me and the conversation went a bit like that:

Woman: You can't go there, it's for men

Me: Well, he's a boy. And you just came out of there

Woman: Yes, but we were just trying to make the ladies queue smaller. You can't go there.

Me: So what? He wants to go the toilets, he's a boy. I don't see the problem

I went in anyway, but I heard a big sigh and whispers. My problem with this is, why did she care so much about me going into the men's toilets? It didn't affect her personally, so why criticizing when she did exactly same thing? I still don't get it.

Our trip to the supermarket was a bit of an experience as well. When my son had a minor tantrum because he wanted a toy, there were customers looking at us, and trust me, their face told a thousand words. I tried not to pay attention, but I couldn't help but I really felt judged. I won't even get into the impatience of customers behind us when I was translating the different types of ham to my Irish friend!

The funniest (or saddest, but we decided to laugh about it) was when my American friend went to the supermarket to buy bread. As he took the last 3 baguettes on the shelf, a woman kicked him in the shin. One of the baguettes fell, she grabbed it and left. Only in France you'd see someone fight for a baguette!!

When I came back to Ireland, I discussed the "incidents" with a few French friends, and they felt the same way. One of them told me she was stopped in a supermarket by a stranger who was looking inside her trolley, and told her "You must be well-off considering how full it is". Seriously? Since when people comment on other people's shopping?

This whole judgemental attitude reminds me of the day me and my husband went to buy alcohol for my birthday party. As we were choosing some bottles, an old couple told Fabrice that he shouldn't drink alcohol because it was the Ramadan. First of all, he's not Muslim, but even if he was, and he wanted to buy alcohol, so what? Why should they comment on it?

As a tourist in an unknown place, I really felt some negativity. But thankfully, it wasn't from everybody. We also met nice people in the village and overall , we had a wonderful stay (the wine helped a lot!). Still, I felt a bit bad for my friends. I speak French so I could defend myself, but what happens when you don't speak the language? They tried to speak a bit a French and made efforts, but somehow I'm not surprised foreign tourists think the French are rude.

I've never felt that in Ireland. Nobody has ever commented on my shopping trolley. Customers have helped or sympathised when my kids were misbehaving. On the whole, Irish people don't really care about other's actions when it doesn't affect them personally.

I want to think all of these examples could have happened in other countries. After all, there are ***holes everywhere. But yet, a part of me thinks it really is a French "thing" and it bugs me. Maybe the Irish in me is starting to take over...

What are your thoughts about this? Do you think I'm over reacting about French people being rude and judgemental?

Comments (10)

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afrogatlarge 90p · 469 weeks ago

It pains me to say, but I agree with you. I hate the generalisations with a passion but I do think there is more judgement and rudeness, and just generally nosiness from strangers in France than in the UK. But then I live near Brighton, where there is literally no point getting offended about anything because everyone embraces their quirkiness; it's very freeing. Thankfully I visit the Limousin, which is in the middle of nowhere, and I do so in August when it is pretty much a desert.

1 reply · active 468 weeks ago

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nearlyirish 64p · 468 weeks ago

I hate generalisation too, but I have to admit this is how I feel when I go home. Obviously not everyone is rude, but I don't really understand people who openly comment on someone. Never in my 13 years in Ireland have I seen that kind of behaviour. Irish people are just too laid back for that

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Ana · 469 weeks ago

How right you are! Sometimes I find myself missing France terribly but then I think about what you have just mentioned and realise it's not all bad where I am (England), as the other comment mentioned I feel a lot freer. Never once was I complimented on my physical appearance whilst growing up, needless to say my self confidence was pretty low. It all changed when I moved to the UK which felt bizarre at first. There s an over emphasis on negativity, it's definitely the opposite in English speaking countries, but in school you would not be especially complimented on having good grades, however you would be made very much aware of your mistakes. As for jealousy, I agree 100%, I don't know where this national trait comes from but I would often hear remarks about wealthy people, like there has to be something suspicious about it. And I know wealthy people both from France and the UK and from my experience French wealthy people would look down upon people a lot more than their British counterparts.
I had a funny incident last summer where I ended up being very rude to a taxi driver who kept complaining about the amount of luggages that we had (even though we specified this when we phoned the taxi company in advance). He kept moaning the whole time and when I Suggested we place some of our things on the middle seat at the back he said that it's not possible since he had just cleaned his car and our baggages were dirty (which was NOT true). His ways set me off and I replied : "ils ne sont pas aussi sales que les fesses de certains de vos clients". Now let me tell you I shocked myself for daring to say this as I am rather shy and a big introvert (and I'd like to think I've got manners too), but this was the final straw. Negativity and rudeness snowballs at times...

1 reply · active 468 weeks ago

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nearlyirish 64p · 468 weeks ago

I think on the whole French people are more vocal and confrontational, something I haven't found in Ireland. Maybe you're right and it's due to the different education system... Also, I have spent so much time in Ireland that I perceive things differently when I go to France. If I was still there, these behaviours might seem normal!

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maria · 463 weeks ago

I had such bad experience in South of France with french people, I am italian and very educate and kind person, they always make me feeling like an horrible person for such silly things, I do my best to speak french but they were rude too

French look to me so small minded, chilidish and mean, women are very malicious with stranger women

and I have to say that IS NOT about respect of their traditions and culture or language, because you can notice that also on the internet french people speak ONLY FRENCH also in foreign website, they pretend all the world speak french but they are irritated when a stranger speaks in his language

2 replies · active 442 weeks ago

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nearlyirish 64p · 462 weeks ago

I'm sorry you had a bad experience, thankfully not everyone is like that. I know I highlighted the bad side of French people in my post, but I have also met very nice ones ;-) As for speaking French online, yeah, that's true but it might be because there are less people in France who can speak English. The French are a complex bunch, I'll give that to you, but we are not all like that, imagine what the world would be if it was the case!

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Saccha · 442 weeks ago

That's kind of funny you're saying French people speak French on the Internet first because a lot of Italian people do so too (and it doesn't bother me, it can simply be because they don't feel confident enough in their English skills to speak English) and second because how can you know, on the Internet, that someone is French if they precisely don't speak French ? I don't know for you, but I don't start all my posts by announcing my nationality. However, I'll admit that if you only travel in the south of France, you musn't exactly meet the nicest French people ever, unfortunately.

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Saccha · 442 weeks ago

I must admit that unlike other posters here, I'm quite surprised by some aspects of this article. I'm been leaving in France my whole life and nobody has ever EVER commented on my shopping (I mean seriously ??), so I really think you've been unlucky and just met some lunatics. I'm French, I know that some people in France, and yes especially in Paris and in the south, are rude, I'm not going to try and contest that. But when you say that it's not all French people, I just want to add that it's luckily FAR from being all and that in some parts of France, you can find very nice people. However, it's true that some French still struggle with English and sometimes, to avoid to have to speak English, they gonna ignore foreign people, speak to them in French or pretend they're busy with something else (exactly like in Japan if you've ever been to this country). Well, in short, again, I agree that some French people are rude with foreigner people (and French people too actually), but I'm not sure about being more judgemental that in most countries.

1 reply · active 442 weeks ago

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nearlyirish 64p · 442 weeks ago

Maybe I was slightly exaggerating, because thankfully not all French people are arrogant and judgemental. If that was the case I would never go back home on holidays!!! Maybe it's not French people who are more judgemental, maybe it's Irish people who are less. I did have a great time in South of France by the way, and I only highlighted the negative parts for the purpose of this article, which was wholly controversial. Lesson learned, since then I've been a lot more balanced in what I write ;-)

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Clo · 361 weeks ago

Hi! I know this post is really old, but I hoped I could ask a few questions. I very recently moved back to France (2 weeks ago) after living both in the UK and the US for a pretty long time. Though I’m trying my best to be enthusiastic and keep a positive attitude about moving back, I’m struggling to readapt specifically because of how jugdmental, rude, insensitive and competitive French people can be. I have been trying to keep up woth team sports and meet new people to make it easier, but it mostly feels like I have to prove to others that I am worthwhile as a person, instead of being included. So here comes my question: how do you deal with negative french attitudes when you are confronted to them? I am looking for any tips that could help :) Thank you!