8 habits I picked up since I moved to Ireland

I am still French in many ways. I love my wine, my cheese (lots of it) and my Desperados beer (yes, it is French in spite of the name). I have no problem sitting for five hours at a table, enjoying good food and drink with my friends. However, thirteen years in Ireland have definitely changed me and I've realised I picked up "Irish" habits I didn't think I would.

Cutting sandwiches in a triangle shape

I would never do that in France, for the simple reason that French people mostly eat baguette sandwiches. Here, it's all about sliced bread, cut in triangle, preferably toasted (but that's just personal taste!). Which brings me to point 2.

Eating sliced bread

13 years ago, there wasn't much variety in shops when it came to bread so I had to adapt and started to eat sliced bread. Now, you can find baguettes and all sorts of bread everywhere, but I usually stick to the sliced pan. I just got used to it.

Drinking tea/coffee with my lunch

That is really one of the most bizarre habits I picked up and I don't why I do it. I used to drink water, which makes a lot more sense.

Cheering for Ireland in sporting competitions

Except when France is playing against Ireland, obviously. But other than that, I always want Ireland to win. And if I hear about an Irish sportsman in the Olympics for example I will always try to watch the performance (unless it's the 50K walk). And I have to say, I think Irish people are very fair-play (but I never get too cocky when France wins because of the amount of slagging I would get).

Using Irish expressions

It's grand, Sure look it, come here, yer man, thanks a million, what's the craic, what's the story, deadly, feckin eejit, Ah here!, coolaboola (not sure how it's spelled...) and I'm probably forgetting a lot..!

Cursing

Oh, my English teachers would probably kill me if they heard the amount of bad words I learnt over the years. But cursing in Ireland is just part of the culture I guess. It took me a while to lose my formal English though, and it all went downhill when I started to work with Irish people.

Shopping on Sunday

French people are still very attached to their weekly day off. There were big protest a few years ago between workers and big stores who wanted to open on Sundays. I'm not saying I go shopping every Sunday, but at least I have the option if I really need something and I don't think that's a crime.

Take my kids to the pub

I would NEVER dare doing this in France. People would just look at me and think I'm the worst mother in the world. Let's be clear though, we are taking them during the day, for lunch or an ice-cream. We are not getting drunk while they run around. Our local pub is very family friendly and it's not rare to see kids there on Sunday afternoon.

What habits have you picked up since you moved abroad?

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Food...Glorious food

It's no secret that we, French, love our food. After all, France is the epitome of gastronomy and I won't lie when I say that one of the downside of Ireland is the fact that it doesn't always live up to our expectations in terms of food. Having said that, every time my friend or family come over, I make them discover traditional Irish dishes.

It's the paradox of being French in Ireland. I don't really miss French food to the point of not being able to survive without it but simple things can put a big smile on my face...

French week in LIDL

I often end up buying stuff I wouldn't even buy in France, like frozen ratatouille... But last time there was salted butter, like proper one, with salt crystals. It was just yummy! The weird thing is I bought Breton biscuits, yet, they are still in the press waiting to be eaten. It's been a couple of months at least...

But do I learn my lesson? No, I'm still like an excited kid when it's French week in LIDL.

My mum sends me a care package

Now here's proper French food! Pate, rillettes, syrup, compotes, biscuits... All the things you can't find in Ireland.

When friends invite us for the "apero" with some Pate Henaff (Famous Breton brand) as a bonus 

When I dream about my holidays in France and all the seafood I'm going to eat

And when my friends or family come to visit, all I want to do is make them eat Irish stuff... Because they're here and it would be a crime not to try!

The chipper

The perfect choice after a night out, with salt and vinegar on the chips of course!

Fish and chips

And a fancy one with that!!

Irish breakfast, home made of course!

And then there's the Irish stew, Guinness beef, seafood chowder, soda bread... My friends and family love eating Irish food because it's different. I personally don't go to great lengths to find French food here. If it comes my way, I'm happy about it, if it doesn't, I  just wait to be in France to enjoy it. And I often find I prefer French food in France and Irish food in Ireland (if that makes sense!).

What about you? Do you go to great lengths to eat food from your home country or do you just enjoy local food?

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Expat friendship

I think this quote reflects perfectly the kind of friendship expats experience through their journey abroad. The hard part is that sometimes, you don't anticipate who, from your new friends, will be part of your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime...

As an expat you're going to meet a lot of people. They'll come and go and that's life. Maybe you'll be the one to go first. Or like me, you'll be the one who stays and sees everybody go. I don't know which is the hardest to be honest, but I've had the feeling many times that it was hard to see someone go because the one who stays has to live with the memories of the other person in his everyday life.

You pass by a pub and you remember that crazy night out. You see something online about the Giant's causeway and it reminds you of that road trip you took together. You pass by the house he or she used to live in and you can't help but think about the many house parties you went to...

On the other hand, the person who leaves goes back to his home town, catches up with family, friends, goes back to study or work, but you're not part of it. You never were so it might be easier for them to move on. I have fantastic memories of my internships in Scotland and England as a student, but I know for a fact that when I came home, although I was nostalgic the first few weeks, I moved on pretty quickly.

I'm going to break it to you. The majority of friends you make while abroad are temporary. You might get along very well and swear you'll be friends for life, but the truth is, you might only be friends because you're sharing the same experience. In reality, when one of you goes back home, you realise you have less in common than you thought. You message each other once in a while, "like" each other's stuff on Facebook but that's as far as it goes and before you know it, there's not much to say anymore. I might be a bit cynical but I really doubt you can have a long term friendship with someone you've spend time with for only a few months, unless you regularly meet back home or if they come to visit.

Having said that, I'm still good friends with some people I met in Ireland and who have gone home. But not many, maybe 4 or 5. And the weird thing is, it wasn't always the person I thought I would keep in touch with.

Friendship works in a strange way. Sometimes people you almost forgot come crawling back into your life. People you weren't as close while abroad become closer once they're gone. Friends you wanted to keep so much become almost strangers.

All I'll say is keeping friends as an expat is hard. So hard that at some point, I didn't want expat friends anymore. Too much to deal with. But at the same time, I've learned so much from every person I've met that it would have been a waste not to invest in the relationship.

What about you? Do you think maintaining a friendship as an expat is hard?

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When your parents get old and you're not around...

I am experiencing a severe case of guilt at the moment, and even if I know it's a bit unfounded, I can't help it.

I won't go into too much details because it's quite personal, but both my parents have just undergone major surgeries in the past few weeks. Everything went well, they are back home recovering, but it will take some time until they are fully "functional". Thankfully, my sister and my brother are very close by. They visit them almost every day, do the shopping, get prescriptions from the chemist, and just check that they're doing OK.

This is where guilt is kicking in for me. I know I can't be there for my parents and that's fine (well, sort of). What I feel most guilty about is that everything is falling on my siblings. And it's not just now. This is where it's going in the long term. My parents are not getting any younger and there will be one day when they need more care. And I won't be there. I can see my sister and brother having to deal with all the practicalities of organising nurses to come daily, or even looking for a retirement home. They'll have to deal with the paperwork, but not only that, they will be the ones dealing with  our parents' health and well-being first hand.

I can't help but feel guilty about not being around to help them. Of course I know they will consult me for the big decisions, but they won't pick up the phone for every little thing. In a way, it's easier for me. I won't have to deal with the everyday issues, and my parents will be happy to see me when I come for a holiday. On the other hand, I hope my siblings won't resent me for being far away and not being able to help more. We have a great relationship so I doubt there will be conflict, but you never know...

I've just started to realise that my parents are not eternal. They are getting older. I know I can't lead my life according to what might or might not happen to them at some point in the future, but sometimes, I almost feel selfish about being abroad.

Have you experienced the same feeling about not being there for your parents and siblings, or am I just over-reacting?

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The expat dilemma: Staying or going home?

When you're at a crossroads...and don't know where to go

At some point in their experience abroad, every expat will have that thought: "Should I stay or should I go back home?". It happened to me many times, at different moments and for different reasons.

The first time was probably about 2 years into my expatriation. I just got married and felt it was time to go home. I already acquired the experience I needed to find a job in France and I missed my family and friends more than ever. Yet, there was something I couldn't really pinpoint that was confusing. Somehow there was no novelty anymore and the routine was getting the best of me. On top of that, many friends I had from the beginning were also starting to go home. On the other hand, I still liked Ireland, the way of life, my job, my neighbourhood...

So we decided to stay a bit more. I got promoted at work, I met new people, and the blues eventually passed. I think what made us stay over the years was the fact that we always had a short term goal to look for: a holiday abroad, buying a car, a friend's visit... Then the bliss came back, and we were ready to buy a house. Once that was done, I changed job, we spent a year enjoying our new home and then it was time for babies.

Even though we had that life plan, at the back of my mind I always had the idea of going home at some point. This was especially true when recession hit and we were literally trapped in our apartment because of negative equity. At that time (about 7 years in Ireland), I felt I didn't have a choice anymore and that staying in Ireland was something imposed on me.

When we had the kids, I thought we could always go back home before they went to school, but I also wanted them to be bilingual, another dilemma... So we decided to stay, again.

After 13 years we're still here. And I still think about going home regularly. But there's always something that makes our life here worthwhile. At the moment, I can see the benefits of speaking two languages to my kids, the fact that Irish people are less judgemental when it comes to special needs children, the help and support we're getting from the school, the Irish sense of humour that's getting me through most days, my job that I really like...

Life in Ireland is not always easy when you have no family around, when childcare fees are extortionate, when your mortgage is costing you an arm and leg... But come to think of it, if I was in France, would it be that different? I'd probably have to live in a big enough city to land a decent job, and so would my husband. My parents wouldn't be around either to mind the children so I would have to pay for childcare as well. We would have to pay for rent or a mortgage... Of course we would avail of a better social security, but every country has its positives and negatives.

If you're in that state of mind at the moment, take some time to think about your decision, and evaluate your priorities. Trust me, you always have the option to go home because if you really want to, you'll find a way.

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Interrupted

 The problem is when you're trying to write and you get constantly interrupted!!

It's been 2 weeks since my last post and I can't believe how time flew. I had a few posts ideas but they involved a fair bit of research. The problem is the evenings in my house are not exactly the best place to get peace and quiet to do some serious work.

Once the kids were in bed I could have taken the time to put together a structured, well documented post about why French people love Ireland so much, or my rant against lunch boxes. Instead, I crashed onto the couch and watched TV series with my husband.

It's not all bad though. I have discovered great series like Mr Robot (who won a few Golden Globes), Humans, and I've started the X-Files reboot mini-series. So my evenings were all about sci-fi, conspiracies and alternate realities.

I know in a near very real future I will have part of the evenings back to myself as my husband starts a new shift. I feel bad being happy about that, but I know I need some peace and quiet  to be able to write.  I won't have to watch a movie just because I feel guilty about taking the laptop the night before and I will not hear the usual "what are you writing about?" anymore. And I won't be interrupted every time I'm trying to think about the best way of putting a sentence together. I am still trying to write at the week-end when the kids are awake (mainly because I can't write every night for the reasons I mentioned before), but kids interruptions are even worse than my husband's! I sound like a terrible wife and mother, don't I?

Writing is supposed to be my "me time", and I haven't got any for more than a year now, so I think I deserve to be a bit selfish for once ;-)

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Brooklyn: A tale of emigration

Last week I wrote about how expatriation was different 15 years ago. Now imagine what it was like 60 years ago. This is exactly what is portrayed in the oscar nominated movie "Brooklyn".

"Brooklyn" (based on a Colm Toibin novel) tells the story of Eilis, a young Irish girl who lives with her mother and sister in Enniscorthy. Although she enjoys her life, there are no jobs prospects and she is offered an opportunity to move to America. There, she will have a job, an accommodation in an "all-Irish" house, and a chance to study. All of that means leaving her widowed mother and sister behind, but if that's what it takes to make a better life for herself, then so be it.

Integration is difficult at the beginning, homesickness is unbearable. But she slowly gets used to the American way of life, and meets a handsome Italian boy at a dance. Just when she starts to adapt and really feel at ease in her new surroundings, an incident at home (I won't give everything away!) calls her back to her native land. She gets to see her friends, her family, she's even offered a job and of course, there's another man in the picture...

What will she choose? Her native land or her adoptive country?

I obviously won't spoil anything in case you haven't seen the movie, but all I say is that, even if it shows a side of emigration like it was in the 1950's, current emigrants/expats can relate. Nowadays we don't have to wait 2 weeks to receive a letter from home, but it doesn't mean we don't get homesick. A new country means having to adapt to a new culture, new habits, a new language sometimes. All of these struggles were true in the 1950's and still are today.

What struck me in the movie is how easy it was for Eilis to "forget" about Brooklyn when she was back home with her friends and family. But at the same time, she still felt like an outsider, not really American , but not entirely Irish anymore. A feeling I can totally relate to.

At the end of the day, it's all about choice. I don't think anyone is ever forced to emigrate. It's all about circumstances and doing what we feel is best for ourselves. And the end of the movie portrays perfectly the choice that we, emigrants, have had to make at some point in our life.

Have you seen the movie? What did you think about it?

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Living abroad now and 15 years ago: What's different?

Dublin in 2002 (bad quality, I didn't have a digital camera back then!!)

When I moved to Ireland in 2002 (I know it's not exactly 15 years ago, I just wanted to round it up), means of communication were quite different and it's actually crazy to see how much travel and expatriation have changed since the web 2.0 but also the democratization of air travel (Thank you Mr. O'Leary!).

So how is life abroad different now than it was "back in the day"?

Keeping in touch with family and friends

Imagine a world without Facebook, Skype or Whatsapp. Worse, a place without broadband or wi-fi! Laptops were a lot more expensive than now, so I regretfully left my massive desktop and arrived in Ireland completely disconnected. When I wanted to send an email, I had to go to an internet cafe. When I wanted to ring my sister, I had to use a public phone. Then I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend and discovered how expensive phone and Internet were (you were charged by the minute when being online).

With all that in mind, you can imagine how hard it was to keep in touch with family and friends. After crying when I saw my first phone bill, I discovered I could phone France for the price of a local call by using a special number and I was mostly communicating by e-mail with family and friends, but we wrote letters to each other at the beginning, something unthinkable today!

And when you see how easy it is to share a picture now, think about the time we had to get the film developed first, then scan the pictures (if you had a scanner) and send them by e-mail, or worse, post them. Sometimes you just waited to be back home for a holiday to show everyone what you had been up to.

When I think about it, it must have been a lot harder for people who emigrated thirty years ago.

Keeping up-to-date with what's going on in your home country

Everyday I go through the French news on Google. I scan through the headlines and select a few articles I want to read. I also take great pleasure in reading users comments and it gives me some indication of the general mood in France (even though I know it might not be an accurate perception of reality, it still gives an idea).

In 2002, when I was going to the internet cafe to send the weekly e-mail to my parents, I just looked at a few news websites (mostly my local newspaper to be honest). That was a much as it went. Big events were announced either by Irish TV  (a few days after) or my parents.

Now, you can follow any big event minute by minute, but I remember being in UK for a work experience in spring 2002, and I only learned about the results of the presidential elections the day after it happened. If it was now, I would be almost glued to the screen (or be streaming live) to see the result the second it's announced.

Mobility

The first couple of years, going home took a lot of patience (thank God I didn't have kids). I had to take 2 flights and land a 5 hours drive from home. But it was already the "Ryanair" era and even though there were not many bases in France,  travel cost was next to none. I remember booking flights for 5 pounds, there was no luggage fee, no "priority" booking, no seat buying... And as long as you arrived early at the airport, the check-in staff wouldn't bother for an extra 4 kgs in your suitcase.

I am lucky in a way because Ireland and France are close, but it's a different story for my husband. He was already in Ireland for 3 years before he went home to Mauritius for the  first time. And as far as this tropical destination is concerned, prices haven't really gone down in the past 15 years.

Adapting to a new country

Going abroad and leaving your home country is a bit like breaking-up with your boyfriend/girlfriend. In my opinion, it's better to completely cut ties at least for a few months to avoid reminiscing. Embrace your new home and everything it has to offer in order to have a better and more authentic experience.

This was completely possible 15 years ago. With limited means of communication, it was a bit harder to reach home and you were less tempted to find out "what's going on back there". Without Facebook and the likes, you were more inclined to discover things by yourself rather than ask "where can I find a French speaking hairdresser" or "I just arrived, where is the closest supermarket"...

I'm not gonna lie, I almost cried with joy when I found a Camembert in an off-licence after 6 months in Ireland, but I never actively looked for French food either, so I think some people should stop asking where they can find French cheese, bread, wine and so on. Not forever, but if you can't live without products from your home country for a while (and let's be honest, only the minority will stay in Ireland for more than a year), then why did you go abroad in the first place?

We all get homesick at some stage, but it shouldn't start the minute you land on foreign soil. Go out, explore, get lost in the city... Your experience will be the most enjoyable and trust me, next time you go home, you'll find even more pleasure in eating a fresh baguette.

I think it's all about balance. The web is great to discover new places, share information, help each other and that way, the expatriation can seem less daunting than it would have been 15 years ago. On the other hand, it seems that some people make less efforts, don't take time to discover and the fact that staying in touch with "home" is so easy makes the transition even more difficult.

What do you think?

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